My journey to psychology
My second attempt at studying psychology began in 2016 when I enrolled in the Graduate Diploma of Psychology at the University of New England. I had previously enrolled in psychology at the University of Sydney post-HSC in the 1990s, but didn’t last the distance. Instead, I retreated to the faraway worlds of English literature and ancient Roman history. Stints as a journalist at Fairfax, a Diploma of Education, marriage, two children, an (amicable) divorce and a sea change out of Sydney brought me to one of the biggest challenges of my career: working in a wellbeing role in a tough comprehensive high school on the NSW Central Coast. It was demanding at the coalface and I worked hard to prove my mettle and earn the respect of the students and my colleagues.
The school counsellor encouraged me to apply for the school counsellor retraining program offered by the NSW Department of Education (DoE). Hence my enrolment into the Graduate Diploma in 2016. I was fortunate to secure sponsorship from the DoE to continue with my graduate studies, and after so many years, my journey to becoming a psychologist was assured.
Fast forward to 2019 when I began my school counsellor training at schools in the Maitland area of NSW. Suddenly, I was the new kid on the block. Unfamiliar territory. No one knew me, no one knew my history, no one knew what I was capable of, no one knew what I had achieved to get there. I wasn’t prepared for the huge leap in the role from a teacher to a (trainee) psychologist.
From being able to speak freely to all students as a teacher, I was now mindful of the bounds of confidentiality and heedful that my interactions with all students needed to be approached with discretion. I wasn’t prepared for the solitary nature of the school counselling role. From working as a highly sociable teacher in a bustling open-plan staffroom where there was constant chatter, I was now alone in an unfrequented office. From being able to debrief freely about students as a teacher to my colleagues, I was now mindful of the APS Code of Ethics. Kuyken, Peters, Power and Lavender (1998) wrote about the ‘crisis of confidence’ that a psychologist in training can experience while they learn such a new and diverse role. Despite feeling so inept and so lacking in knowledge and experience, I knew that perseverance was crucial. I devoted myself to my studies, gaining distinctions in all my subjects, and approached each school day with a determination to overcome my perceived inadequacies.
What were the upsides of this new role? The instructive, intensive training opportunities held throughout the year. The warmth, patience and kindness shown by the school counsellors in my new team and the unconditional support shown by the principals at my new schools. What I learned is that all these acts gently built my confidence, putting the impetus back in my step. Gradually I began to overcome my doubts, feeling that maybe I was capable of the privileged role of being a school counsellor.
As I now look towards my second year of training in schools and postgraduate studies, I am preparing for what lies ahead: writing my thesis. Reflecting on my own experiences helped me to formulate my topic: “Am I good enough? Examining the relationship between perceived worry and self-efficacy in NSW DoE school counsellors and school psychologists.” While my anxiety was high at times during my first year of training, my innate self-belief kept the spring in my step. Do other school counsellors ever experience these conflicting states? I’m hoping to find out. Watch this space.
The author can be contacted at [email protected]