This article is featured in The Senior and is republished with permission.
Differences in parenting styles are one of the most common sources of tension between grandparents and their adult children, according to a psychologist.
While many older Australians have a wealth of experience to share, knowing when, and how, to offer advice over screen time or sleep routines can be tricky.
Australian Psychological Society CEO Dr Zena Burgess told The Senior the differences in parenting approaches can often create "tension".
"It is important that family members respect each other's varying parenting styles and communicate concerns early rather than letting tensions build," Dr Burgess said.
How to manage difficult conversations
She said conversations around parenting can quickly become emotionally charged, particularly if adult children feel judged or criticised.
"Even well-meant comments can sound judgemental if they are unsolicited or repeated," she said.
Instead of correcting or criticising, Dr Burgess encourages grandparents to approach discussions from a place of support and curiosity.
"A better approach may be to treat the conversation as supportive rather than corrective by choosing a calm private moment, speaking with curiosity and focusing on specific observations rather than broad judgements," she said.
She recommends using gentle 'I' statements such as: "I noticed..." rather than "You should..."
Different landscape
The challenge for many grandparents is that modern parenting often looks different from how they raised children.
"Many parents are navigating a constant stream of guidance from social media 'experts', much of it conflicting, unrealistic, or heavily judgemental, which can leave them feeling scrutinised and uncertain about their parenting decisions," Dr Burgess said.
That means criticism even if unintended can hit harder than grandparents realise.
"Remember that the relationship with your adult child and respecting their role as a parent is more important than 'winning' a debate on parenting styles," Dr Burgess said.
If concerns genuinely need to be raised, she suggests taking a collaborative approach rather than issuing instructions.
"Try phrases such as 'Would you be open to another perspective?' or 'How can I support you?'," she said.
Dr Burgess said many families experience these tensions and that disagreement does not necessarily mean relationships are failing.
"Many grandparents find themselves in situations where their parenting style clashes with that of their adult child's," she said.
"It's not uncommon and there are many ways to discuss concerns with adult children in a way that is calm and respectful."
She added that psychologists can also help families navigate difficult conversations while maintaining healthy relationships.