This article is featured in Body+Soul and is republished with permission.
Forget DNA – more people are embracing ‘chosen family’, building tight-knit friendship circles that offer love and support beyond biological ties. Here’s what it means and why it matters for wellbeing.
From weekend brunch crews to annual holiday squads, more Australians are redefining what it means to be family by embracing close friendships as ‘chosen families’ that go beyond genetics.
For some people, relationships with friends may bring more fulfilment and meet their emotional needs more than biological family relationships do, according to Australian Psychological Society chief executive Dr Zena Burgess.
“Healthy and stable friendships are imperative for our wellbeing and longevity, with friends often filling the role of a ‘chosen family’,” Dr Burgess says.
This role-filling may be due to a range of factors, she explains, including family conflict, estrangement, domestic violence or lack of acceptance.
Generational differences in defining ‘family’
A 2023 study by the Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS) found 41 per cent of participants considered close friends or chosen family to be part of their family.
Study co-author Dr Luke Gahan, an AIFS research fellow, says results highlighted how different generations define family differently, based on factors such as genetics, legal ties, love and unconditional support.
“One of the big differences in our study was that millennials placed much less importance on legal ties or obligations and genetics compared with the older, interwar generation or baby boomers,” Dr Gahan says.
“There was a gender difference too, with women more likely than men to include chosen family or friends, and that was 43 per cent versus 31 per cent.”
The study also found 52 per cent counted their pets as family members, Dr Gahan adds.
Love is at the heart of family
While ‘family’ can mean different things to different people, the study revealed love is always at the centre, Dr Gahan says.
“Across every generation, people saw love as how they define their family and that was unanimous,” he notes.
“All the generations saw that as being very important, as well as providing unconditional, non-judgmental support.”
But, Dr Gahan notes, the source of that love may shift over time.
“Young people often lean on friendships when they’re moving out of home or studying, while older adults may rely more on biological or legal family for care.”
Why investing in friendships matters
The idea of friends who become like kin is not new, especially in the LGBTQIA+ community.
During the HIV/AIDS crisis in the ’80s, many gay men who were disowned by their families found care and support in their community, Dr Gahan says.
“For sociologists, that’s where the term really emerged, when those bonds proved just as strong as blood,” he says.
He points out the idea of chosen family in Australia can be seen through our history, including among Anzac soldiers on the frontlines.
Bound by loyalty, mateship and courage, they forged lifelong bonds that went far beyond blood, Dr Gahan says.
“There is a long history of having ‘chosen family’, it’s just the way we refer to it and understand it,” he adds.
How chosen families boost mental health
People who have close friendships often have higher satisfaction with their lives and are less likely to experience depression and other mental health conditions, according to Dr Burgess.
“Close friendships are associated with emotional and instrumental support, intimacy, trust and an increased sense of belonging,” she says.
“Having close friendships may help people to better cope with major life transitions such as becoming a parent, or challenges such as losing a loved one, as they can rely on a vital support network for crucial emotional support.”
Dr Gahan notes that emotional support is often at the heart of chosen families.
“It’s about having people, or perhaps animals, around you in your daily life – the family who are actually providing that love and support,” he says.
How to turn casual friends into chosen family
So, how do you go from casual hangouts to real-deal, soul-feeding friendships?
According to Dr Burgess, it can start with investing time and energy into the relationship.
“Being vulnerable with friends and sharing struggles and concerns often lead to developing a sense of trust in the friendship that is essential for closeness,” she says.
And you don’t need grand gestures – just a few feel-good rituals can help keep your crew close.
“Sharing achievements and celebrating them together with friends or engaging in traditions such as weekly catch-ups or physical activity can also help bring a group together,” Dr Burgess notes.
If you’re stuck or unsure where to start, chatting with a psychologist can help.
“Psychologists can help people understand and resolve negative psychological impacts from their own family of origin or childhood experiences,” Dr Burgess says.