This article is featured in The West Australian and is republished with permission.
Go on, then, have you picked a side?
The ink on Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban’s ’s divorce paperwork is now dry, which means if you are not yet across the minutiae of this Hollywood break-up, you are already behind.
Amid the stories about how Kidman tried to keep the family together, why the couple’s exhaustive work schedules led to a “lack of intimacy” and an “inevitable” split and rampant speculation Urban has already fulfilled the ageing rockstar cliché and moved on with a younger woman, one big question has yet to be answered: who will emerge as the “winner” and who is destined to be the “loser”?
Every high-profile celebrity break-up, from Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, has one. Which side you pick comes down to who you identify with, what you value and exactly how much you enjoy Coldplay’s post-2002 musical output.
The public relations battle going on in the Kidman and Urban camps right now is one reason for the wall-to-wall coverage of their break-up. Behind the scenes, each side will be looking to minimise damage to their client’s brand and spin the news to their advantage.
Kidman this week filed for divorce citing the classic and helpfully vague “irreconcilable differences”, just three months after the couple celebrated their 19th wedding anniversary. The pair have two children, Sunday Rose, 17, and Faith Margaret, 14.
Pure Public Relations founder Phoebe Netto, who has been working in the industry for 20 years, said it was no surprise that people looked to take sides when a celebrity couple split.
“Humans are natural storytellers” she said. “When a couple separates, audiences instinctively look for a narrative arc, hero, villain, winner, loser. People filter the breakup through their own experiences. If they’ve been betrayed, they’ll empathise with the partner they perceive as ‘wronged’
“In a way, it’s less about Nicole and Keith or Hugh and Deborra-Lee, and more about us. We use their story as a canvas to replay our own relationships, disappointments, and biases.”
Ms Netto said the priority for PR teams, in situations like this, was abut “positioning”.
“How do you preserve reputation, empathy, and credibility without inflaming speculation?” she said. “Silence can look evasive, but oversharing can fuel gossip. The sweet spot is carefully crafted messaging that acknowledges the split, maintains dignity, and signals that both parties are still the professionals, parents, or role models the public admires.”
Just what constitutes “winning” or “losing” a break-up depends on perspective and can shift over time.
Is it the one who preserves a dignified silence or gives a tell-all interview hinting at anything from infidelity to erectile dysfunction? The one who looks relatable depressed every time they leave the house or the one flaunting a “revenge body”?
Is it the one who moves on with a new partner first — the post break-up yardstick once articulated by Sex & the City’s Samantha Jones when she said: “There’s always a contest with an ex, it’s called ‘who will die miserable?’”
And is that victory tainted if there is rumoured infidelity, as with Jackman and his new partner Sutton Foster, or a significant age gap, as when Demi Moore stepped out with Ashton Kucher (15 years her junior) after divorcing Bruce Willis; or Cruise, who dated Penelope Cruz (12 years) and married Katie Holmes (17 years) after divorcing Kidman?
That may be a question for Urban’s PR team to ponder, given speculation that he has moved on with a younger woman in the industry. In recent days, the focus of that attention has zoned in on his relationship with 25-year-old musician Maggie Baugh, with whom he has been touring.
Baugh’s social media pages are already filling up with fans calling her a “homewrecker” after Urban changed the lyrics of his hit song The Fighter, which is supposedly about Kidman, from “When they’re tryna get to you, baby, I’ll be the fighter” to “When they’re tryna get to you, Maggie, I’ll be your guitar player”.
“This is who he chose over Nicole Kidman,” wrote one fan.
“What in the hillbilly hound dog is this,” wrote another.
Late in the week, when Urban played his first concert since news of the split broke, he conspicuously dropped The Fighter from his setlist, as well as his wedding ring from his hand. But, according to reports, Urban did show a photo of Kidman and their daughters during an on-stage slideshow as he sang his 2024 song Heart Like A Hometown.
Here’s hoping Urban thrives on attention — of course he does, he’s a musician — because the remaining seven dates of his US tour are sure to be well attended, if only by journalists keen to pore over every song and gesture for hints about his relationship status and the real reasons for his impending divorce.
A desire to get ahead of a massive news story and spread Kidman or Urban’s preferred narrative is only one reason why the Kidman-Urban break up has received so much attention.
The other is even simpler: there is a lot about the Kidman-Urban relationship and now break-up for ordinary people to identify with, beyond the average Australian’s sense of ownership over “our Nicole”.
Few of us have won an Oscar, been married to Cruise or portrayed a Bell Epoque-era high-class prostitute. Nor have most people been a country music star, appeared as a coach on The Voice and launched our own range of guitars.
But plenty of non-celebrities have witnessed or experienced addiction struggles (Urban), gone through a messy divorce in the hope of finding love again (Kidman) and made controversial hair dye choices (honestly, both). Many people have experienced infidelity (allegedly) or struggled with a partner who prioritised their own career (even more allegedly).
Kidman and Urban are also 58 and 57 respectively: a Hollywood example of the growing “grey divorce” trend. One in three Australian divorces now involve couples over the age of 50, which means there are a lot of people out there who can relate.
Behind every person commenting “WHY IS THIS NEWS?” on stories about the split, there are two people feeling sad, surprised or curious about the end of the 19-year marriage — whether or not they choose to admit it in polite company.
As Australian Psychological Society chief executive Zena Burgess said, so-called parasocial relationships between celebrities and ordinary people were “alluring” and not necessarily problematic unless people found themselves overly invested and believing everything they saw.
“Celebrity relationships are alluring because of a combination of aspirational fantasy, emotional engagement, media coverage, and the influence of social media,” she said.
“Humans have evolved to thrive in groups – building social relationships. Parasocial relationships on the other hand are one-sided emotional ties to people you don’t actually know, like celebs or other famous people you like to follow. What hooks us is the emotional connection, especially if the person is exciting or compelling.
“Perhaps you check in with them because you feel a connection, care about them, or just love keeping up with the minutiae of their lives.
“These parasocial relationships can be a nice complement to your life. They might entertain you, inspire you, education you, or bring you comfort. You might feel less lonely or like you’re part of a tight group or a cultural moment.”