This article is featured in The Sydney Morning Herald and is republished with permission.
I didn’t want to be my son’s under-8s soccer coach.
Which sounds ridiculous considering I love my son and have a longstanding passion for the sport. I just didn’t want to coach. I was loath to commit to being there every Thursday evening for training and Sunday morning for games, being the person responsible for shepherding these enthusiastic six, seven and eight-year-olds through a long season of wins and losses, ups and downs.
Like countless other parents, the lives my wife and I lead are hectic, sometimes verging on manic. With a five and eight-year-old to keep healthy, happy and alive, alongside two demanding jobs, I wasn’t keen to add another ball to the many others my wife and I were juggling.
My son started playing soccer last year – a motley crew of young kids, charging about in team colours with unbridled enthusiasm but minimal success. Minimal is probably being kind. While scores were not officially supposed to be counted (it is all about having fun at that age), they conceded far more goals than they scored. Some of them struggled to connect boot to ball. Others walked off mid-game. But mostly, they loved it. My son certainly did and couldn’t wait to get cracking again when soccer season arrived earlier this year.
The issue was, when he graduated to under-8s level and club training started, no parent put their hand up to coach.
As the weeks progressed and the season drew closer, still no coach presented themselves.
A friendly but matter-of-fact instruction to all parents soon prompted me to reconsider.
“If we can’t find a coach, there’ll be no team.”
I couldn’t let that happen. Thankfully, another parent had the same feeling and we committed to co-coach, easing the pressure to be at every training and every game through the six-month season.
That was it. I had transformed from observer to participant.
The season began during an unusually warm autumn. Games were won, drawn and lost through a bitter Victorian winter. Some players improved out of sight. Others remained somewhat disinterested. But they kept turning up. New players joined the team mid-season. Fresh friendships were formed. Parents made connections.
Now, the season is drawing to its end, I’m going to miss this twice-weekly round ball routine – my time as co-coach surprised me in myriad ways.
Here are some of the lessons I learnt:
- Coaching kids at this age is like herding cats. Trying to gain and retain the attention of these children is a huge challenge and one I often didn’t win. My already healthy respect for childcare workers, kindergarten and early school teachers shot through the roof after my first training session in charge when the boys just wanted to kick goals, chase each other or boot the balls as far as they could. No one wanted to listen to a middle-aged man talking about things like passing or creating space. I did learn that kids gravitate to games – they’re far more engaged if you can get them practising in a way that’s semi-competitive, rather than trying to perfect repetitive behaviours.
- When it comes to game day, parents cause more issues than the kids. Kids would sometimes just about curl into themselves as though they’re trying to disappear when their parents yelled out their particular brand of “encouragement”. Less is more: one-on-one chats with kids after games are generally better received and understood than a deep-voiced urge from the sideline. It can also affect coaches – a lack of support from parents is a major reason for coaches deciding not to continue.
- Referees/umpires feel pressure, even in junior sport. I discovered this on the morning of our first game when it was pointed out to me that coaches also had to referee, so off I went, whistle in hand. Even at this level, it was so much trickier than I expected. The number of times I had to guess which team got a throw-in when a ball spilled out of play after a tangle of legs was extraordinary. If I made a wrong call, the groans of some players, officials and parents sliced through me and despite knowing two wrongs don’t make a right, I’d often reverse the 50-50 call the next time I wasn’t sure to make things even. A note to all supporters – take a breath, mistakes happen.
- It is crucial to know competition rules and policies. I understood soccer well enough from playing as a kid and watching professional games, but that is a different world to the one I was overseeing. I read up on the rules to ensure I knew what the modified junior version entailed – were players allowed to specialise in certain positions? Could goalkeepers do a “footy kick” after a save? How much physical contact was considered allowable during a tackle? It was also crucial to understand concussion protocols and child welfare policies, as much as I’d hoped I’d never need to implement them.
- Through the season, the pride I felt when I saw some of the kids improve was immense. Even more so was when the team as a whole showed progression, especially when it involved the coaching focuses we’d tried to drum in during training – passing instead of trying to dribble around multiple players; creating space instead of crowding around the ball; kicking on non-preferred feet; goalkeepers moving towards the ball, not shying away from it when taking on an advancing attacker.
- By far the biggest lesson I learnt was a simple one: volunteering is fulfilling and there’s a reason why so many gravitate to it. Volunteering Australia says more than six million people in Australia volunteer through organisations across the nation, yet one recent study showed volunteering in this country is still significantly lower than before the COVID pandemic. Sporting clubs are great hubs of connection; you cross paths with people of all ages, professions and socio-economic statuses. Lawyers cook the social club BBQ. Engineers pump-up flat balls in the store room. Tradies with paint-splattered pants and boots are corralling underage teams. Bone-weary working parents post photos, updates and club events on social media long after tired bodies shuffle home and temporary goals are packed away. Even bringing oranges for half-time makes a difference.
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These moments, coupled with the efforts of “my boys” on the field, warmed my heart. Research has shown parents develop social connections via their children’s sport, and this was magnified even further being so hands-on.
Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Australian Psychological Society President Dr Sara Quinn says the benefits of volunteering are myriad.
“Volunteering offers a range of benefits, including the opportunity to make a profound impact in the community, develop new skills and build vital social connections,” she says.
“But perhaps the most impressive benefit of volunteering is the potential positive effects on the social, physical and mental health of the volunteer.”
I was nervous about taking on the responsibilities of a coach, but it has enriched my life in profound ways. Bring on next season.