This article is featured in the Herald Sun and is republished with permission.
A single, defiant act by adult children is devastating parents the world over, family therapists say. But they are less clear on who – or what – is to blame.
They are referring to the “ghosting” of mums and dads by their kids, when all communication between them is stopped without explanation or warning.
New York-basedtherapist and “family repair coach” Marie Morin says family estrangement is on the rise, describing it as a “painful, growing trend” in which “more and more adult children are going no contact with their parents”.
“It happens more often than people like to admit,” she says, pointing to a “generational shift in emotional expectations”.
“Something has shifted, especially in the millennial and Gen Z generations,” she says.
“These generations have ... a new language around mental health, boundaries, trauma and toxic dynamics ... many were told things like, ‘if someone disrespects you, even if they are related to you, you have the right to protect yourself’.”
Emotional health
Ms Morin says in 2025 an individual’s emotional health comes ahead of family loyalty.
“Children are more likely to (now) ask things like, ‘does this relationship make me feel heard, am I OK, am I safe and am I valued?’ ... when adult children feel like they have been unheard they sometimes choose silence over the struggle,” she says.
Australian Psychological Society CEO Zena Burgess agrees there has been a shift in dynamics with young adults more likely to speak their mind than previous generations.
“There was an era where children had no voice – no ability to talk about their feelings – and everything was a power relationship which absolutely wasn’t ideal for their development and their self-confidence,” she says.
“But we’ve gone full spectrum, where everything they think and say needs to be validated ... (the ideal is) probably somewhere in the middle.
“I also think the fact older adult children are staying at home longer does make it harder ... (they’re stuck) in a bit of a teenage phase of reacting to their parents.”
Celebrity crisis
While each family’s situation is unique, common themes include: parents losing contact with their children after divorce, abuse or neglect, perceived favouritism, involvement of new partners, financial stress and differing belief systems or values.
The Beckham family’s reported family feud – between David and Victoria and the eldest of their four children, Brooklyn and his wife Nicola Peltz-Beckham – has unfolded in the public eye with their son snubbing a series of family milestones, including his dad’s 50th birthday celebration, and ignoring his famous football father’s naming in the King’s birthday honours.
No matter who you are, a family breakdown is heartbreaking; Prince Harry’s alienation from the Royal Family is arguably the world’s most talked about family fallout while Britney Spears’ fight with her dad, Jamie Spears, and sister, Jamie Lynn Spears, has long garnered global attention.
Brad Pitt, meanwhile, is reportedly estranged from most of his six kids following his split with Angelina Jolie, with daughter Shiloh filing to drop Pitt’s surname on her 18th birthday.
“Everyone’s lost something in these situations,” Dr Burgess says.
“There are many things that can lead to (family estrangement) but often it’s a way for people to protect themselves from further hurt, so they just don’t have contact – but that causes hurt too.
“Sometimes in families there can be a dispute about one issue and that leads to people not talking and the years go on and people can’t even remember what the issue was, they just know that they’re not going to talk to that person.
Over-stepping boundaries
“Boundaries can also be a tricky area because what one generation thinks is fine, another generation may not ... I’ve have many people talk to me about how to handle interactions with their mother-in-law or their father-in law and how to navigate the extended family boundaries where there was too much involvement, or not enough involvement.”
Not surprisingly, social media can add fuel to the fire.
“It is very easy for adult children to now run commentary on their parents ... often the focus is on what they did badly and how it was their parents’ fault that the adult child didn’t turn out the way they wanted to be – social media (allows for) much more commentaryand judgement around people’s parenting styles,” she says.
Clinical psychologist Darryl Cross notes that expectations around being the “perfect parent” have increased.
“Whether it is the advent of social media and people being able to compare and contrast more rapidly and evaluate or judge others in a quicker way, or whether it is that more information is now available ... it does seem anecdotally (this is the case),” he said.
Parenting trends
Rachel Jolly, a family relationship consultant at The Adelaide Resolutions Centre, points also to generational shifts in parenting styles, extending beyond particular daily routines and food preferences.
“Over generations – and as society changes – adult children form their own ideas that are separate from their parents in relation to how they want to parent their children,” she says.
“(This can include) language that they use with their grandchildren, for example, calling the children ‘naughty’ ... a lot of parents who are parenting their children in this generation understand the potential implications (on) identity and self-worth.”
One of the experts the Sunday Mail spoke to told how she’d recently viewed a text message “containing three screens of instructions to a grandmother from a new mother, on how to care for her baby – even though the grandmother had raised four children of her own”.
At its most extreme, Adelaide collaborative law specialists Bev Clark and Erica Panagakos, co-directors of Clark Panagakos Family Law, say there are heart-rending scenarios in which adult children deprive grandparents of a relationship with their children.
“I was fortunate to grow up in a multigenerational household where my grandparents played an integral role in my upbringing; I can’t imagine what it would be like to have no relationship with them due to a conflict between them and my parent,” Ms Panagakos says.