I was motivated to write this article following a recent difficult interaction with another psychologist in a cafe. The incident reminded me that when we identify as psychologists in public we are representing all in the profession and we need to be mindful of how we present. Our behaviour reflects on all psychologists and likely shapes community attitudes toward seeking help from our profession.
The situation: three mothers with four young children (aged around 1–3 years) were at a child-friendly cafe, supervising their children who were eating in highchairs and playing at an appropriate noise level with toys provided by the cafe. Another cafe patron approached one of the mothers, loudly stated “I’m a psychologist” and launched into identifying where the mother was failing as a parent in controlling her child, and stated that the child would not change their behaviour unless the mother changed hers.
In doing so, the psychologist made snap judgements about a young child’s behaviour and a mother’s parenting based on five minutes of observation in a single situation and provided unprompted and unwarranted advice. She appeared to give no consideration to any other factors in her formulation, and was primarily guided by the belief that she was right in how to handle the child’s behaviour.
In response, the mothers advised that they too were psychologists and challenged the patron’s inappropriate behaviour. The psychologist became defensive, accused the group of attacking her, was verbally aggressive and ultimately called one a “totally ineffective parent”.
Sadly, while attacking and shaming a young mother’s parenting style in public, the psychologist gave no consideration to the all-too-common experiences for parents of young children of postnatal depression and anxiety, social isolation, lack of parenting confidence, or any other vulnerabilities possibly present for the mother or child.
The psychologist also stated that clearly the mothers had absolutely no understanding of the core principles of psychology or how to raise a child to be a functioning member of society, given their children’s behaviour. Perhaps not, but being mid-career psychologists, they well understand that being respectful, empathic and mindful of how we engage with others are all core attributes for members of the psychology profession.
I am well aware that I don’t know what was going on for this person, only that she reasonably wanted to enjoy a coffee and read the newspaper in peace. Perhaps she wanted to help a parent whom she perceived to be struggling. Nonetheless, as soon as she announced that she was a psychologist, before engaging in judgemental, condescending, attacking and shaming behaviour, her way of resolving the situation reflected on all of us in the profession – and not positively!
It provides a good reminder for all of us to be mindful of how we present in public when we identify ourselves as psychologists. Not only are we representing ourselves and all other psychologists with our behaviour, but more importantly, we are also likely affecting community members’ willingness to seek help from and work with our profession. Would you be willing to seek help on personal issues from a psychologist when you’ve seen someone from the profession be judgemental, condescending, shaming and verbally aggressive in public?