Reflections on socialising as we age
I remember back to being a kid and having a naive idea about elderly members of our community; thinking that they would pass their time by playing games of lawn bowls, sharing long lunches and playing bingo. Like most young people, I resigned this lifestyle and these sorts of activities to the category of ‘old people stuff’. It was obvious right? Clearly this is what happens when we get old; we age, we slow down and amongst other things, we continue to socialise by staying involved in slower and simpler activities. An uninspiring thought, but that’s life.
With time passing in my own life, I found myself in a job managing social support programs for groups of older people. This job meant a lot to me. The role my grandparents played in my life was huge. And maybe why I thought I understood elderly people well. With this understanding, I remember first walking into the community hall and watching the social support programs in action. Groups of seniors were scattered around playing games of bingo and sitting down for their mid-week long lunch. There it was again, that ‘old people stuff’.
As often as I could, I visited the social programs when I wasn’t working in head office. With each visit I got to know the groups of seniors better and we would share a joke and a chat. Slowly, I listened more intently, but what I heard weren’t the conversations I had come to expect. Rather, it was the jokes and ramblings of young men and women. Their sense of humour hadn’t aged and clearly, neither had their desire for socialisation in a way that was meaningful to them.
Now these observations weren’t groundbreaking. Although they did make me think deeper and recognise my ignorance. Still, when I considered all of this from a personality perspective it started to make more sense. Generally speaking, our major personality domains which represent the basic structure of all human personality are thought to be well developed and relatively stable from around the age of 30, and once developed, this structure of personality is considered to remain fairly stable across our lifespan (Costa & McCrae, 1992), with an established relationship existing between personality and behaviour (Barrick & Mount, 2005).
The implications of this understanding? Well if that is all true, then even when we age in terms of years, we are still likely to behave in a way that is consistent with our personality and its preferences, which is fully developed in our younger years. Consequently, we may be more likely to enjoy socialising and participating in activities (where possible) that are consistent with what we enjoyed doing in our 20s, 30s and 40s.
The problem now – I believe that we don’t make this distinction clearly as a society. When we advocate for the rights of older people, we categorise them as ageing, elderly, older and seniors. We consider their physical, emotional, spiritual and social needs within this context and by assigning them to this ‘ageing’ or ‘elderly’ cohort.
But from a social perspective does this do them a disservice? From a social perspective, would it be more accurate to think of an elderly woman not as an old woman, but as a young woman who has aged? A young woman who still enjoys the activities of her youth, which in her time may have included dancing, a long-lunch or a game of bingo.
What I’ve come to realise is that the activities enjoyed by ageing members of our community today, is not what I had once perceived to be ‘old people stuff’ at all. But fundamentally, it is their own ‘young people stuff’. These social activities are the ones they experienced in their younger years. These activities have been brought with them for this reason, to experience and enjoy, and to create that beautiful feeling of nostalgia.
When we consider how we would like to socialise in to our 60s, 70s, 80s and even our 90s, we should look at what we enjoy doing now. The social activities that await us in old age, should reflect the ones that we enjoy as young men and women. It’s where we find comfort and where we will gravitate towards. For some it may be sitting alongside their friends on their gaming console and for others it may be sitting in a knitting class.
If I am lucky enough to reach a ripe old age, then where I find my most meaningful socialisation may in fact be where I find it right now. With a better understanding of this as a society, I believe we can provide older members of our community with more relevant social activities to enjoy and more meaningful socialisation for our future selves in years to come.