DARE magazine
For many Australians, getting older comes hand in hand with a sense that we are no longer being seen. So what are the consequences of this involuntary disappearing act and how do we reassert our rights to be heard?
It happens gradually, so gradually it takes a while to recognise that people are treating you differently. Your colleagues stop asking your opinions. Customer service staff ignore you in favour of younger customers. People on the street push past you. It’s like you’re invisible as an older person.
As co-chair and secretary of EveryAGE Counts, a national campaign aimed at tackling ageism, Dr Marlene Krasovitsky has heard plenty of stories of people over the age of 50 being dismissed by younger folk. She says the phenomenon is particularly evident in workplaces.
“You might have had a successful working life, but if you’re in the job market, people might start questioning your skills, whether they’re up-to-date, whether you’ll be good with technology and how you’ll get on with younger people,” she says.
In social interactions, too, the feeling of invisibility is not uncommon. “You may be, for instance, invisible at a crowded bar, trying to order a drink or find people talking past you,” Dr Krasovitsky says. “Others might start to see your views as outdated or your experience irrelevant and belonging to a different time. Or you might find yourself being the butt of jokes about ageing and older people, or name calling – for instance, ‘Okay, Boomer’, which dismisses you and your views.”
Concerningly, healthcare situations are another space where older people sometimes feel like they aren’t being taken seriously, Dr Krasovitsky says, which can have serious consequences. Being brushed off by a doctor or medical professional could make you reluctant to seek out healthcare in the future, meaning you may miss out on advice and treatments that would help you stay well as you age.
Mental health impact
Invisibility can also take a toll on mental wellbeing. “We can begin to internalise those messages of being of lesser value, of lesser relevance, in the face of all those assaults on our sense of self, and we may begin to withdraw,” Dr Krasovitsky explains. “So living in a society within which all of those assumptions and behaviours are normalised and accepted really has a profound negative impact on older people’s lives.”
Dr Zena Burgess, CEO of the Australian Psychological Society, says clients sometimes share with psychologists their struggles with this issue as they age.
“Feeling invisible may lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, as well as potentially increasing the risk and impacts of depression, anxiety or other mental health concerns,” she says.
There may be impacts for your physical health, too. Isolation and loneliness are increasingly being linked to increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, dementia and early death. In addition, World Health Organization research from 2016 found that older people who hold negative views about their own ageing process will live an average of 7.5 years less than those with positive attitudes, and won’t recover as well from disability.
“If people are feeling ‘invisible’ as they grow older, it might be helpful to try something new.” - Dr Zena Burgess, CEO, Australian Psychological Society
Vanishing women
You only need to look at the proliferation of anti-ageing products and treatments to know that we live in a society that prizes young looks, with women particularly under pressure to remain youthful looking. That fetishisation of youth, says Dr Krasovitsky, is partly why women tend to experience the feeling of being deemed irrelevant as they age more than men.
“We have some pretty negative stereotypes in our culture about older women,” she says. “Many of the stories we grew up with portray older women as evil, ugly, vain, manipulative or untrustworthy. Birthday cards often portray older women, and men, as frail, forgetful or foolish. This is pervasive and often goes unquestioned.”
Radio broadcaster Jacinta Parsons was so rattled by the experience of becoming an invisible woman when she reached middle age that she wrote a book about it, A Question of Age. One of the first signs for her was struggling to get service in restaurants or bars
“It’s this real shift in identity,” she says. “You go from feeling that you have worth and it’s almost something that you take for granted, because you’re seen in the world, you’re noticed, you’re referred to in your workplace, you’re regarded as something that’s valuable,” she says.
“Then slowly but surely you’re noticing that that’s no longer happening as frequently. ‘Who am I suddenly, that I’m not being noticed or taken as seriously as previously?’ And I do think that has a really interesting impact on our mental wellbeing.”
Part of the reason women are more cognisant of feeling less visible, she believes, stems from the fact that girls learn from a young age that the way they look is tied to their worth. So for many women, being less visible means being less valuable. “It’s difficult for women, particularly, to navigate the world without being noticed,” she says. It’s very obvious, then, when that shifts.
Changing perceptions
Jacinta believes changing the way older people are portrayed in the media would go a long way towards making them more visible in the community.
According to the Australian Human Rights Commission, older people in the media are often portrayed as frail, weak, victims or in poor health, and those aged 65-plus rarely feature in advertising content or editorial media copy.
EveryAGE Counts is calling on all Australians to challenge their internalised negative ideas about what it means to age. If you’re an older person, that’s especially important, says Dr Krasovitsky, because if you start to believe that your perspectives matter less than younger people’s, it can be a slippery slope to losing agency over the way you live your life.
“One of the consequences of being invisible is that your preferences and your rights start to matter less. In this way people can start to make decisions for you and about you,” she explains.
Fighting invisibility
So what should you do if you feel dismissed or ignored because of your age? Dr Krasovitsky recommends you call it out. If, for example, people make a comment about you being “past it”, let them know that that’s not okay – even though they may insist it was “just a joke”.
“Instead of getting sucked into a debate about what jokes are acceptable, maybe just explain how the joke made you personally feel and how you think it might make other older people feel,” she suggests.
In the workplace, if you’re overlooked for an opportunity or a position at a new organisation, challenge it. “While it’s rare for people to explicitly be told they’re too old for a position, they might be told they’re ‘overqualified’, they’ll ‘get bored’, ‘we’re looking for an up-and-comer’, ‘we’re not sure how you’d work with a younger team’, and so on.
“If you encounter those kinds of comments, just politely ask your potential employer to be a little more specific, and ask what qualities they’re seeking in a candidate. For instance, ‘willingness to learn tech skills’, and describe how you think you measure up in those areas.”
In healthcare situations, it’s vital to make your voice heard if you feel you’re only being given the bare minimum of care due to your age.
“We know that ageism and the invisibility of older people can lead to them not being presented with the full range of healthcare options and treatments,” says Dr Krasovits
Taking charge
Caring for your mental wellbeing by maintaining strong connections with friends and family is also important. “If people are feeling ‘invisible’ as they grow older, it might be helpful to try something new, to expose themselves to a learning opportunity,” Dr Burgess says.
“Consider joining a community group. Local groups can give people the chance to be part of a community, build friendships and generate feelings of togetherness which are important in reducing feelings of loneliness and isolation.
“Psychologists can also help people to challenge the underlying beliefs they have about ageing and give them tools to develop more positive beliefs.”