This article is featured in the Herald Sun and is republished with permission.
A curly “f-word” may come up in family conversations as a hugely popular AFL footballer faces suspension for using a homophobic slur during a match on the weekend.
Adelaide Crows player Izak Rankine is under investigation by the AFL for allegedly calling a Collingwood player a “f----t”.
Rankine is facing a ban of up to five weeks that could see him miss the Crows’ finals campaign, based on the AFL’s previous penalties for similar offences.
We asked two leading parenting experts how mums and dads should talk about the issue with their children.
Leo Hede, national service manager at Kids Helpline, said it was “important for families to
keep lines of communication open so when kids are curious they feel OK to come and ask questions”.
“There may be two approaches – you may make a decision to raise the issue directly and turn it into a learning opportunity, or you may want to wait for your child to come to you,” Mr Hede said.
“You may be responding to kids’ own curiosity as the issue comes up on the radio or in family discussions.
“Start by asking questions of your child such as, ‘What do you think that word means? How do you think it makes people feel?’
“Make it age-appropriate and give your child space to express their emotions – you would approach it differently with a nine-year-old and a 17-year old.
“It’s an opportunity for parents to be part of the solution – to teach kids that language matters and that words like this are not OK and cause harm.”
Mr Hede said parents could draw a distinction between intention and impact.
“Kids may say, ‘that’s gay’ but they don’t mean it in a negative way. But they need to understand it’s still hurtful. Language reinforces stereotypes and exclusion and can be meant in a degrading way.”
Mr Hede said children considering identifying as LGBTIQ may be particularly sensitive to homophobic slurs.
He said Kids Helpline had received around 150 calls about homophobia in the past 12 months, most often from children concerned about the behaviour of their parents or family member.
“This is an opportunity for parents to check their own values – what are you yelling at the TV?” Mr Hede said.
Australian Psychological Society CEO Dr Zena Burgess said talking to children in simple, age-appropriate language was best.
“This is a conversation that needs to happen – talk to children about how everyone deserves respect,” she said.
“The more open you are about it, the more children will feel they can ask questions about things they make have heard and seen.
“Never underestimate the importance of talking to children. You can reassure them that these derogatory words perpetuate harm.”
Dr Burgess does not believe parents should shirk a discussion that includes actual homophobic terms with their children, saying direct explanations are safest.
“Depending on the age of the child, it may be okay to include the ‘f-word’ in the discussion,” she said.
“Children may think such words are a fun thing; that terms like gay or sissy or queer aren’t hurtful, but you can remind that these are not kind words. They are very harmful.
“You can tell them to let an adult know if they hear these terms, and you can teach them to be an ally and to look out for others.
“You can remind them that these terms are only used by a minimum of people, not the majority of the population. It’s not the norm.”
Dr Burgess also said such discussion may bring up other issues, such as children asking what terms such as LGBTIQ mean.
“Explain in simple terms that being different is okay and go through the psychological harm that can be done by using terms in a derogatory way,” she said.
Kids Helpline is on 1800551800. It is a 24/7 free, confidential private counselling service for children and young people.
Minus18 is a support group for LGBTQIA+ youth.