This article is featured in The Advertiser and is republished with permission.
By Dr Zena Burgess
The festive period can be an incredibly stressful time for families. Unresolved family conflict or strained relationships may resurface when people who don’t usually spend extended time together are suddenly in the same space.
People can often feel the pressure of creating the ‘perfect’ day, putting on an impressive spread and meeting cultural and family traditions. Some families may also split their time between two families in different locations, which can be stressful and place added pressure on people to make the most of their limited time at each event. This heightened stress can make minor disagreements escalate more easily and lead to tension within families.
Family conflict arises from the very nature of family itself: relationships are foundational, emotionally charged, and often expected to be enduring. While there can be a range of sources of conflict within families, common topics include wills, estates, and inheritance decisions, as well as disagreements about how to care for elderly relatives, manage shared property and divide responsibilities.
Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial for mental health. When family members consistently try to violate these boundaries, it may lead to feelings of powerlessness, resentment, and anxiety. Setting healthy boundaries often involves weighing the benefits of self-protection against the costs of setting boundaries and is usually undertaken after considerable reflection by an individual.
The choice around which boundaries to set may depend on the specific dynamics of the family relationship and the individual’s emotional and psychological needs. While some decisions might be based on the need for self-protection or self-care, there are also other psychological drivers, such as unresolved trauma, projection of internal conflicts, and the influence of unhealthy relationships.
When families come together, it’s important to respect other people’s boundaries, whether we agree with them or not. We can also take time to reflect on our own boundaries ahead of time, so we are prepared in the event of having them challenged.
To protect our wellbeing in a tense family environment, it may be beneficial to not engage in deeper or more emotionally charged conversations, which may reduce the intensity of interactions between family members.
If you’re struggling to set boundaries when spending time with family members, consulting a psychologist may be helpful. Psychologists can provide useful tools for self-reflection, help to improve boundaries and communication as well as assisting people to develop strategies to cope with potentially distressing situations and feelings.