This article is featured in Women's Weekly and is republished with permission.
In the world of self-development, there has never been anyone quite like Mel Robbins, host of the most shared and followed podcast in the world and author of the best-seller The Let Them Theory. The slim, blonde-haired 57-year-old, with her trademark black, boss-lady glasses, has been all over social media with her no-nonsense advice, encouraging small actionable changes to improve your self and your relationships. She has catchy and easy to understand mantras. There is the “5 second rule” that promises to push you into action when you countdown from 5 to 1, and the viral “Let Them Theory” that propels you to emotional peace by letting go of the stress other people’s action can create.
She’s hailed as “relatable” and “real”, and many of her followers attribute life-changing results to her guidance. Her book, The Let Them Theory, is on track to become the fastest selling non-fiction book ever (8 million copies in 11 months and counting).
Oprah Winfrey has hailed it as one of the best self-help books she has ever read.
“You break down complicated ideas into simple terms and forms that people can understand and relate to,” she told Mel on her podcast. “You’ve been given this moment in time to speak to people in this way, and it is going to change so many lives.”
The Australian tour
Now Australian audiences have a chance to witness the powerhouse presenter in person when she brings The Let Them Tour to Australia with shows in Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney.
Her tour has already packed arenas in the US, Toronto and London. But don’t expect just a talk fest. Like everything she does, Mel promises something big, with rockstar production, interactive exercises, music, laughter and even confetti cannons.
“When you are doing a podcast, you don’t see the audience, so touring is magical,” she tells The Weekly. “You are going to be gobsmacked by what you will experience. I want you to meet people around you. I want to bring the feeling of transformation to life. Where in the world can you come together in person with a couple thousand people who want the best for you, and want the best for themselves?”
Who is Mel Robbins?
Meeting Mel Robbins almost feels like a transformative experience in itself. When she enters, she fills the room, not with bravado or ego, but with excitement, energy and warmth. She’ll instantly remember your name (and use it often in the conversation). She greets you by scooping you into a long, warm bear hug.
We meet at the swish Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills. She selects a quiet table on the verandah. There is no entourage or publicist, which is unusual in this day of hyper celebrity. Rather than the uniform black she wears in her photos and videos, she’s dressed in blue jeans and a soft coloured top. Her blonde hair falls lazily over her shoulders, and her large-rimmed glasses have been replaced by small wire frames, softening her appearance.
The waiter arrives and she grabs the menu and boldly announces: “I’m buying what do you want – pizza, a drink? I’m going out to dinner later, but I don’t care. I’m still going to have some pizza, so join me.”
So we order a fennel sausage pizza and gin and tonics, which she asks the waiter (who already she’s made friends with) for her gin and tonic to be separate so she can mix it herself. This already feels like a girls’ night out, not a formal interview.
The Mel Robbins Effect
When you’re in Mel Robbins’ orbit, you can’t help but be swept up. She exudes assurance and confidence. I wonder if she is ever nervous.
“The definition of confidence, to me, is not feeling assured, its being willing to try. If you’re willing to try something, then you’re always going to learn,” she says.
But it wasn’t always this way. Her success was a hard-won battle over anxiety, depression, job loss and near financial ruin. As she likes to say, her overnight supernova success has been “16 years in the making”.
“One of the things I’m most proud of is that I am exactly who you see,” she says. “This is who I am. I’m very proud of the fact that this happened to me late in life.”
Mel’s Missouri childhood
Mel Robbins was born in Kansas City, Missouri, but grew up in the small town of North Muskegon in Michigan. Her father was a doctor and her mother owned a small retail store. Her parents still live in the same house that she grew up in. Mel recalls a kitchen always filled with neighbours and friends.
“Mum would be making coffee and people would stop by with their aches and pains,” she says. “My dad served on the city council and was the hometown doc for the high school football team. Both my parents were very community minded people. I think what that modelled for me is that people matter, and really being curious and creating connections was important.”
At school, she was voted class president. “I was probably that person everyone hated, The annoying person with the clipboard who just wanted to fit in,” she says. “I definitely wasn’t one of the cool kids.”
The young lawyer
With her future ambitions yet to be carved, she graduated from the prestigious Dartmouth College, and at the suggestion of her father, studied at Boston College Law School. She struggled for the first two years but in the last year she began to participate in mock trials, practicing oral arguments, and she thrived.
Mel started her law career as a public defender for the Legal Aid Criminal Defense Society in New York City. By this stage, she had also met her husband, Chris Robbins (she says she knew he was the one after only three dates). They married and moved to Boston so he could pursue his MBA. She worked for a large law firm but was miserable. After the birth of her first child, daughter Sawyer, she looked for new opportunities but couldn’t find her niche. Eventually, she hired a life coach, which led her to becoming one herself, and to some work as an ‘expert commentator’ in the media.
When Mel’s life came crashing down
Mel was 41 when her life came crashing down. Her media work dried up, husband’s restaurant business went under and they found themselves with three kids under the age of ten and $US800,000 in debt.
“You’ll never forget what it feels like to not be able to buy groceries and to not be able to put gas in the tank. I almost lost everything I cared about,” she tells The Weekly. “My marriage, my family, my home, my sanity, my sobriety, all of it. When you claw yourself out of a dark place, it changes you in fundamental ways. And it also reminds you of what matters in life.”
The Mel Robbins Theory
Looking for motivation to get her up in the morning and motivated to look for work, she stumbled upon a quick hack, copying the countdown of a rocket: “10, 9, 8, 7 … When the snooze button is too tempting, just countdown and launch yourself out of bed.” It became the basis of her best-selling book, The Five Second Rule.
Before the book took off, Mel gave a TEDx talk in San Francisco called How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over. The talk went viral, eventually garnering over 33.5 million views.
In 2021, she published another book, The High Five Habit, which promoted self-confidence through giving oneself a high-five in the mirror (a habit she maintains, even today, as part of her morning routine). Then came The Mel Robbins Podcast, which she produced from her garage in 2022. The twice-weekly program is now produced in her own lavish studios in Boston. It consistently ranks in the top five global podcasts, boasts over 37 million monthly downloads and is syndicated to 194 countries.
Mel also created a thriving multimedia business, 143 Studios, which distributes her motivational content and produces professional development education for corporate clients like Starbucks and JPMorgan.
She opens every podcast with: “Hey, it’s your friend Mel Robbins.” Her words are clear and measured, with an ever so slight comforting rasp, and she takes careful pauses on points she wants to emphasise.
“I wanted to create a podcast that felt like you were going on a walk with a friend,” she says. “When you take a walk with a friend, we’re both going to leave feeling better. We’re both going to feel like we have something we want to try or do and that’s all I wanted the podcast to be.”
Mel Robbins family life
Mel talks openly about her past, her own problems, and reveals many personal journeys including a botched breast implant and a late diagnosis, at age 47, of adult ADHD and dyslexia.
She often refers to her family. Her husband now practices as a spiritual psychologist and death doula (a non-medical assistant to a dying person). Their three children are Sawyer, 27, who co-wrote The Let Them Theory book and now works with her mother; Kendall, 25 who is pursuing a music career; and Oakley, 21, who is in college. They have all guested on her podcast, talking about their own struggles and issues.
Has fame changed the family?
“It happened so gradually and we live in a small town of 3000 in Vermont, and with a podcast you don’t see your audience, so we don’t think about it much,” she claims. “The only time it collides with my life is when I am out with the family and people want to take pictures and I get my kids saying: ‘Can you not take any more pictures with people, please.’”
Homespun advice
Those who love her work say her greatest talent is an ability to distill complicated scientific and medical advice into easily actionable steps. Her podcasts feature a wide array of globally recognised experts in psychology, health, personal development and science.
“She’s really interested in all aspects of improving your life and she has such a great research team behind her,” says Dr Stacy T. Sims, an exercise physiologist, nutrition scientist and author based in New Zealand. “I get frustrated when people say she’s just an influencer. She’s a storyteller and a good one. She’s like: ‘these are the things I took into my life and these are the things that you can take into your life and maybe there’s something that you can get out of this.’”
“I feel like simplicity is something I am obsessed with but the research and being able to explain why something simple works is critical,” says Mel. “When my daughter Kendall was sleeping on our bedroom floor when she was 11 and terrified to go to her own room, I didn’t know that to do. I sought out help but I couldn’t understand it. I just wanted someone to tell me what to do.
“The Let Them Theory is simple. The biggest source of our stress is other people. And other people, let’s face it, can be annoying. So when you say, ‘let them’, you’re recognising the situation you’re in and then you say, ‘let me remind myself my time and energy matters’. So I’m going to focus on what I do in response.”
What inspired The Let Them Theory?
The inspiration for the theory came from trying to micro-manage her son’s prom. Kendall told her to ease off and just “let them do what they want to do”, which she did and felt an enormous amount of relief.
The second part of the theory is ‘Let Me’. As the book explains: “The source of your power is not in managing other people, it’s in your response. When you say, ‘Let Me’, you’re tapping into that power by taking responsibility for what you do, think or say next.”
Critics have targeted the book as nothing original, based on well-established psychological practices. They point out that Mel is not a medical professional (which she acknowledges with a legal disclaimer on her podcasts). She has always maintained that the principles in the book are universal and grounded in stoic philosophy, radical acceptance and detachment theory.
“The Let Them Theory is effectively a way that people may remind themselves they can only control how they react to a situation, not the situation itself,” says Dr Zena Burgess CEO of the Australian Psychological Society. “It taps into a powerful desire for mental peace and encourages people to focus on their own wellbeing.
“People are increasingly more conscious of their wellbeing and are looking for self-improvement methods to help them navigate the complexities of modern life. At a time when social media and external validation are so powerful, people may feel exhausted about constantly being judged by others. The Let Them Theory may carry a sense of liberation, a freedom from the constant worry about being judged.”
Dr Burgess adds that, while she understands the appeal of the book, she still advises that it’s best to consult a qualified psychologist for mental health strategies that are tailored to the individual and grounded in good science.
Mel’s legacy
With the overwhelming success of The Let Them Theory, I ask Mel what’s next, and am surprised by her answer.
“I don’t want to write another book. I feel like this is my legacy,” she says. “This is the theory I was meant to pull together for people at this moment. It’s the biggest service that I could give to people at a time where things feel so dark. It’s never too late and my life is proof of that. Sometimes all you need is somebody to remind you of that truth.”
Mel has been happy to chat way past our allotted interview time. As we finish our pizza, she shows me an email that goes out to her team daily, filled with screenshots of reviews and online comments.
“I want everyone who works on our show to understand it’s not about you and it’s not about me, it’s about the person who deserves encouragement and deserves access to all these incredible resources that we have access to. It’s our job to make each episode worthy of someone’s time and worthy of sharing, and if we’ve done that, we’ve done our job.”