This article is featured in House of Wellness and is republished with permission.
A lack of sexual interest, especially in a culture expecting constant performance, can feel worrying — yet fluctuations are common
Lost your libido? You're not alone.
The Cleveland Clinic reports up to one in five men will experience low sex drive, while Australian research shows even higher rates.
A review of the most recent wave of data from Australia's longitudinal Ten to Men study on male health found almost 65 per cent of men reported at least one sexual difficulty — including (for 25 per cent of men) a lack of interest in having sex.
Yet, our beliefs around libido remain highly gendered — and experts say it's stopping men from seeking support.
While we view female desire as a complex dance of social, biological and psychological factors, we seem to be less accepting of natural ebbs and flows in men.
So, how do you know if a dip in desire is cause for concern? We've asked three experts for their insights.
What can dampen desire?
Australian Psychological Society President Dr Kelly Gough describes libido as a "decrease in sexual thoughts and desires for sexual activity".
Crucially, libido is about desire, not performance — yet the two are frequently confused.
"Often, men will have erectile dysfunction that they say is a lack of libido, but their desire is still quite strong," men's health physician Dr Michael Gillman says.
Dr Gillman lists chronic health conditions such as vascular disease, diabetes and obesity — along with medications and issues impacting blood flow or hormone regulation — as factors that can dampen male desire.
Relational sexologist Jacqueline Hellyer believes our "high-stress, modern lifestyles" are part of the problem, leaving our nervous systems too strained for us to experience desire, let alone arousal.
Dr Gough says mental health issues such as anxiety, depression and past trauma can also impact libido.
Another emerging concern is exposure to pornography, which Dr Gillman says may shape the brain's expectations around stimulation over time.
More to consider
Many men assume a drop in libido signals low testosterone. However, Dr Gillman says hormone testing rarely supports this.
He says low testosterone is "not a common cause of low libido or erectile dysfunction".
While erectile dysfunction can increase with age, libido is less linear, with Dr Gillman saying men can experience "a gradual drop-off".
Jacqueline sees many midlife men reporting low libido and says older men often notice changes in how they experience arousal.
"An erection doesn't happen spontaneously but that doesn't mean there's no desire," she says.
"Instead of expecting arousal to be automatic, you have to change your approach to do things that allow that to happen."
Stereotypes fuel shame
The experts take issue with the stereotype that men have a consistently high sex drive. Dr Gough says feelings of shame or inadequacy can arise when masculinity is measured by libido.
Jacqueline finds the pressure men face — from themselves, society and often partners — problematic.
"I believe that so many of our sexual dysfunctions are because we've been given a dysfunctional model of sex," she says.
She notes the goal should be shared experience, not performance.
"Sex is about pleasure and connection, and initiation should be like a dance. It should be a mutual thing that the two of you are co-creating," she says.
Let's talk about sex
Whatever the issue impacting your libido, talking can help. Dr Gough recommends choosing a quiet moment and communicating your concerns using "I" statements, such as "I've noticed my desire has been lower lately", to avoid blame.
"Reassure your partner that the change isn't a rejection of them and be honest about possible factors," he says. "Listen openly to their response and encourage them to share their feelings."
When to seek help
While there is no such thing as a "normal" libido, a sudden change can be a signal that something — your lifestyle, health or relationship — deserves a closer look.
If you're concerned, speaking to your GP is the first step.
They can order blood tests and refer you to an endocrinologist, urologist or therapist as needed.
Dr Gillman says persistent erectile dysfunction warrants investigation as it can indicate vascular problems.
Dr Gough recommends seeing a psychologist if low libido is causing you distress or affecting your relationship.
Jacqueline agrees, saying that a sexologist or psychologist trained in sexuality can help shift unhelpful beliefs and create the conditions for a fun and fulfilling sex life.