In summary:
- Matrescence is a transition as transformative as adolescence, involving deep biological, social and psychological shifts that often catch women unprepared.
- The "baby brain" phenomenon is rooted in structural changes where grey matter shrinks to sharpen vigilance and bonding, occurring alongside the most significant hormonal drop in a woman's life.
- Modern mothers often face a difficult "reorganisation of self," transitioning from task-oriented professional identities focused on productivity to a relationship-oriented mindset required for caregiving.
- Psychologists can support this transition using targeted, evidence-based frameworks such as CFT for self-compassion, ACT for value realignment, and IPT to navigate role changes and relationship conflicts.
The transition into motherhood is a life-changing process that affects some women profoundly. Here are some evidence-backed ways psychologists can help mothers manage this transition.
While many psychologists are skilled in screening for postnatal depression and anxiety, it can be less common to have the mechanisms support women through the broader identity shift of matrescence – the profound shift into motherhood.
As transformative as adolescence, matrescence often catches women unprepared. Few receive the psychological support they need to re‑evaluate their identities, values and priorities.
"It's the biggest transition we experience in adult life," says Cass Middleton, clinical psychologist and Convenor of APS Perinatal Interest Group.
And the shock isn’t confined to first‑time mothers, she adds.
"Each baby brings new adjustments, and women and the social pressures around them keep changing too."
Frances Bilbao, clinical psychologist and Member of APS Perinatal Interest Group, explains that matrescence triggers deep biological, social and psychological shifts.
From a biological perspective, women's brains undergo structural change, which lasts for years, she says.
"After birth, the brain’s grey matter shrinks as it re-tunes to focus on the baby, sharpening vigilance and strengthening that crucial bond," she says.
These changes can appear as so‑called "baby brain" – forgetfulness or lack of focus. Hormonal shifts can create further upheaval.
"Estrogen and progesterone surge during pregnancy, then drop sharply after birth – the biggest hormonal event of your life – all while the body is also coping with sleep deprivation," says Bilbao.
Socially, women have to navigate relationship changes with their partner, friends and family while managing new levels of mental load, financial pressure and stress. Many women may also experience workplace discrimination, disadvantage and bias during pregnancy, while on parental leave and when returning to paid work.
"All of these challenges happen at once, which is why it's such a vulnerable period," says Middleton.
New identities
Psychologically, mothers also undergo a huge shift of identity.
Bilbao says this shift has, in some ways, become harder as society has evolved.
"Once, girls were primed to see motherhood as central to their identity – now they're not. We don't live in villages, rarely witness birth, and keep early motherhood behind closed doors, so there’s little real exposure to what it’s actually like."
She says many women draw identity, autonomy, competence and validation from their work, making maternity leave a significant adjustment.
"We’re driven towards performance, productivity and perfectionism – all very task‑oriented – while raising a baby is entirely relationship‑oriented. It requires a completely different mindset."
Middleton says that "reorganisation of self" can ignite complex feelings.
"It’s about making space for the new and letting go of the old, which can stir grief because we’re no longer who we were before baby. Merging these identities [can be] extremely difficult."
The importance of seeking help
Research shows too few women seek psychological support, often because they don’t recognise the severity of their symptoms or can't find the words to describe them.
"Most wait until they're at crisis point, and even then, many don't seek help," says Bilbao.
Social stigma and cultural pressures worsen the problem, fuelling guilt and shame. The same research found many women feel intense pressure to be 'good mothers', while social media’s 'easy‑breezy' portrayals make it even harder to accept the messy realities of change, says Middleton.
"We’re expected to do and be everything. Parenting today is far more intense – we’re juggling careers, households and the pressure to appear in control. When we find this hard, it feels like a personal defect."
Bilbao adds that while research on child development is valuable, it can also set unrealistic standards.
"Parents want to do their best, but many feel they’ll never meet the textbook ideals."
Even for those not struggling, matrescence provides a powerful moment for reflection and renewal, she adds.
"It’s a special window to make big life changes. There’s so much reflection and decision‑making ahead – it’s an ideal time to see a psychologist to help you think it through."
We’re driven towards performance, productivity and perfectionism – all very task‑oriented – while raising a baby is entirely relationship‑oriented. It requires a completely different mindset. – Frances Bilbao, clinical psychologist and Member of APS Perinatal Interest Group
Therapeutic strategies
Bilbao and Middleton say there are various ways to support women through matrescence in therapy.
1. Normalise the process
Normalising matrescence helps women feel less alone, says Bilbao.
"It’s about bringing what usually stays behind closed doors into the therapy room – reminding women that everyone struggles with these changes."
This reframing helps them see mood swings and identity shifts as normal parts of a profound transition, she says.
2. Build self-compassion
Compassion‑focused therapy (CFT) helps women manage shame and self‑criticism, grieve their pre‑baby selves, and see any forgetfulness and overwhelm as normal adaptations, not failures.
Bilbao adds that CFT also helps women accept the ambivalence of motherhood – the mix of joy, satisfaction, apprehension and exhaustion that research shows naturally comes with matrescence.
"This time is full of contradictory feelings and does not mean women are depressed, failing or coping poorly."
Learn more about compassion-based therapy with this APS CPD-approved course.
3. Reassess values to reshape identity
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps women reshape their values and priorities, says Middleton.
"ACT helps women clarify their current values, such as connection, presence or nurturing – and then use those values to shape who they are becoming."
View the APS webinar on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with Children.
4. Rewrite the story
Narrative therapy helps women rewrite their motherhood journey – voicing struggles to an empathetic psychologist, then reforming their story with more compassion and nuance.
5. Improve interpersonal functioning
Interpersonal therapy (IPT) helps women navigate matrescence by addressing role changes, grief for their pre-baby self, relationship conflicts and building social support.
"IPT is especially helpful for women in matrescence because it is structured around life transitions, role changes and relationship challenges," says Bilbao.
APS members can access the Interpersonal Therapy Practice guide here.
6. Work through attachment issues
Attachment-based therapy helps women address parent-child difficulties and break generational cycles of insecure attachment – especially when childhood patterns resurface.
Inviting the baby into the room can be particularly helpful, says Middleton.
"When learning to become a parent, it's a really unique opportunity to think about the parenting you had and look at ways you may need to intervene to form secure attachments."
7. Look at the relationship
Relationship therapy is especially important in matrescence because the whole family is undergoing a transition, says Bilbao.
"A partner's support is crucial for a woman going through this big change, and we can't forget dads are going through a big change too. Often the whole family feels very volatile.
"The perinatal period is also a high‑risk time for emerging family violence, so safety and relational dynamics need careful attention," she adds.
8. Apply mindfulness
Mindfulness helps women in matrescence live in the present – noticing emotions and bodily sensations without overwhelm, says Middleton.
"When the brain is on high alert for the baby, it’s easy to get stuck in anxious or ruminative loops. Simple grounding and mindfulness practices bring parents out of their heads and back into their bodies, improving daily functioning and moment‑to‑moment awareness of their experience."
Ultimately, matrescence represents the one of the most significant identity reorganisations of the adult lifespan, yet it remains a period where many women suffer in silence due to the "perfect mother" myth and the invisibility of their internal shifts.
By elevating matrescence from a private struggle to a visible, shared and supported developmental process, psychologists can help mothers navigate this upheaval not as a "personal defect," but as a profound opportunity for reflection and long-term psychological renewal.