This article is featured in The Mercury and is republished with permission.
When you are almost 40, new to town with no partner or kids, it can feel a bit lonely, especially when life’s circumstances mean you’ve lost touch with old friends.
It’s a situation Lucille Murray found herself in when she relocated from metropolitan Adelaide to the Adelaide Hills after leaving a prolonged and traumatic home situation.
Her dad packed up and sold his home in Victor Harbor to make the move with her and be close by for support but than fell ill.
“I suddenly realised when my dad got very sick and had to go off to hospital that I didn’t have any support … I realised I was quite isolated and completely alone,” she said.
“I was getting more and more depressed and my social anxiety was growing … I thought, I need to do something to help myself because if I keep going down this pathway, I’m going to end up in a dark place.”
She recognised she needed a friend.
“I have no problems going to the movies by myself or anything like that but I realised I don’t have a clue on how to make friends,” she said.
“I thought, ‘hell do you make friends as an adult?’ … it’s not like in primary school where you get plopped in a room with 30 other kids and you generally find someone you relate to.
“(Not being a parent), I am not exposed to those connections you build through your kids and I had escaped a nasty situation involving domestic violence … so it is a bit isolating.”
So she took a leap of faith and posted on a community Facebook page, telling people of her situation, unashamed in her quest for a new friend.
“I have to admit, I felt like a bit of a ‘loser’,” she laughs.
“I really wasn’t sure what the response was going to be like … I wondered if people would brush me off as being “bit needy’.”
But the response she got from town folk was the completely opposite.
“It’s been the most positive response, within two or three minutes, I had so many likes and so many comments from people reaching out – I had private messages coming left, right and centre; the volume is unbelievable,” she says.
“This community group has been a bit of a lifeline … it has given me a bit more faith in society; to get these messages from so many different people, from so different walks of life has given me a bit of a confidence and a bit of a boost.”
Hahndorf locals stop her to check on her in the street, she says, and she has been invited to join yoga classes and even karaoke at a local pub.
A keen music fan, it has also connected her with fellow “musos” who are now regularly rehearsing together with the aim to perform.
Australian Psychological Society’s CEO Zena Burgess says friendships can enhance a person’s emotional, cognitive, and overall wellbeing through provision of things such as emotional support and companionship which boost self-esteem and confidence and can help reduce stress.
“Healthy and stable friendships are imperative for our wellbeing and longevity ... research shows that higher levels of loneliness are associated with higher levels of social anxiety, less social interaction, poorer psychological wellbeing and poorer quality of life,” Dr Burgess said.
“Throughout their lifetime, many people often prioritise the quality of their friendships over quantity.”