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Insights > 'Be honest': Judith tackled cancer diagnosis head-on when telling grandkids, APS in The Senior

'Be honest': Judith tackled cancer diagnosis head-on when telling grandkids, APS in The Senior

Mental health | Youth mental health
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This article is featured in The Senior and is republished with permission.

When Judith Reid was diagnosed with cancer ten years ago, her biggest hurdle was talking to her loved ones about it.

Although her then-four grandchildren were older and could understand what was happening, Judith let her children break the news to them.

But the 82-year-old from Padstow Heights, Sydney, knew she needed to discuss it with her cherished grandkids, so decided to tackle it head-on with straight forward language and positivity.

"[I said] 'It is serious, but I believe everything's going to be OK'," she said.

She assured her grandchildren she was getting the "best treatment" and told them she was worried about the radiation but not the end result.

"I kept stressing that because I really thought it was important that they didn't think that I thought it was the end of the road," she said.

"They took it quite well - they were a little bit upset."

Judith believes her positive approach helped not just her family deal with her anal cancer diagnosis, but herself as well.

"I've seen different people sort of collapse at this sort of announcement," she said.

"Those who got on with it and were fairly resilient in that they believed ... they were going to be OK eventually, were the ones that had kids [who] were able to cope and [they could cope] better themselves."

Judith also said when things became "horrendous" and she was admitted to hospital, it was a good opportunity to show her family she was in control - and have discussions about treatment.

"I decided, when my hair started to fall out, that I would just have it shaved off ... and I just started wearing scarves and beanies," she said.

"It caused a discussion then about the different things that you go through."

Judith's advice to anyone about to break the news their grandchildren is to just be "honest".

"But don't dramatize it. Just tell them the basic facts and tell them you're okay," she said.

Australian Psychological Society CEO Dr Zena Burgess told The Senior it is best to be honest when breaking the news, as lying can break trust, and ages need to be taken into consideration.

"It's also important to note that some young children will not understand that death is final and permanent," she said.

"Older children may be more curious and have questions, so be prepared ... [for] how much detail you want to share."

Dr Burgess also said keeping explanations simple is key, as well as giving your full attention to your grandkids when answering them.

The psychologist also wants grandparents to keep in mind that children react differently "depending on their age and personality".

"Make it a safe space for children to express their emotions, and expect that they may react with sadness, fear or even aggression or other emotions," she said.

"Once the child has been told the news, ensure it isn't a 'set and forget' but rather an ongoing conversation ... so they know that discussing the news is not taboo, but welcomed."

Telling your grandchildren it is fine to cry when they want to, is another way to help them deal with their emotions.

"Cuddling, holding and plenty of affection can help to comfort and reassure children," she said.

Dr Burgess said it is OK for the grandparent to share how they are feeling with their grandkids, because it teaches them emotions are normal.