How to support LGBTI+ Australians on anniversary of marriage equality law

The Australian Psychological Society (APS) said Australians should be mindful the one-year anniversary of same-sex marriage being signed into Australian law is likely to evoke mixed emotions for LGBTI+ people and families.

The historic Marriage Amendment (Definition and Religious Freedoms) Act 2017 came into effect on 9 December 2017.

APS CEO Frances Mirabelli said the marriage equality law represented a huge step towards equality and inclusion for LGBTI+ communities, and that same-sex marriages held in the last year have been extremely significant in the lives of those previously denied the right to marry. 

“We know however that the period of the ‘yes vote’ postal survey was associated with psychologically damaging campaigning and resulted in enormous distress for many in the LGBTQI+ community, particularly young people and families,” she said.

“The one-year anniversary may evoke unpleasant memories or emotions for some people, and we need to check in with LGBTI+ friends and family to offer support if needed."

She said that more recent proposed discriminatory laws to exclude LGBTQI+ students and teachers from schools is also likely to have undermined many of the benefits LGBTI+ communities may have felt as a result of the marriage equality law.

The APS has tips for supporting LGBTQI+ friends, families and communities:  

1. Check in to see how LGBTQI+ people are feeling about the anniversary.  Anticipate they are likely to experience a range of emotions.  Use sensitive questions to ask how they are going. Some may not recognise why they are feeling an increase in distress or anxiety. Help them to acknowledge and normalise such feelings.
2. Celebrate and do things you enjoy together.  For many this will be a joyous time and reassurance the majority of Australians do support them, their families and relationships.  Join in the celebrations but understand not everyone will feel like celebrating.
3. Remind LGBTQI+ people they are loved and valued by MOST members of our community. Despite the marriage law, LGBTQI+ communities still need reassurance from friends, families, schools, workplaces and communities that they are accepted in Australian society and that their love, relationships and families are valid.
4. Check in specifically with LGBTQI+ young people and families. Anticipate that for children and young people who identify as LGBTQI+ or who are in a family with same-sex parents, they may have experienced hurtful messages and experienced discrimination during and since the Yes vote campaign.
   Discuss with them ways in which they can feel supported, do things that they enjoy, and continue to check in on their wellbeing and safety. Reassure them there are many people who care about them and their families and will continue to work for equality and acceptance for everyone.
5. Look after yourself.  It is important to practise good self-care. The debate has continued long after the YES result, and may have been draining and exhausting. So it’s important to look after your physical and mental health – eat well, get sufficient sleep and exercise.
6. Tune out. Good self-care includes you and those around you having a break from media stories about the debate, spending time with people who love and care for you, talking about how they feel, or staying involved in positive activities. Log off social media if posts become distressing, or consider managing feeds to block hateful posts.
7. Point to the resilience of the LGBTQI+ community.  Despite having faced different struggles over many years, communities have shown themselves to be strong. This message in particular may need to be reinforced for younger people for whom such struggles may be new and painful.
8. Realise not everyone who voted ‘no’ is homophobic or hate-filled.  While the outcome of the marriage survey was positive, a substantial proportion of the community voted ‘no’. There are many reasons why people might have voted no which have little to do with what they think about LGBTQI+ people, including religious convictions, misinformation, language barriers, fear of change or unfounded fears of what else might change if the Marriage Act changes. 
9. Continue to dispel myths and misinformation about LGBTQI+ families.  For example continue explaining facts such as: Children growing up with same-sex parents do at least as well as children with heterosexual parents on a range of psychological, social and educational measures. 
10. Continue to advocate for inclusion and equality.  Marriage equality, while significant is only one step towards full inclusion of LGBTQI+ people and communities. Keep up the support, advocacy and communication with friends, families and others in your community.

Links to APS resources:

Tip sheet: Communicating about marriage equality and other issues

Tip sheet: Talking to young people about marriage equality and other issues

Psychlopaedia article: 12 steps to take after ‘yes’ vote

Psychlopaedia article: Evidence is clear on the benefits of legalising same-sex marriage